Singleness is Not a Sickness

“My entire life can be described in one sentence:  It didn’t go as planned, and that’s ok.”

Somewhere along the way, being a single got a bad rep.  It’s a relationship status that makes most single people cringe.  Especially at the thought of attending family events, weddings, holidays or social gatherings alone.  It depresses you.  It’s what consumes your thoughts.  Does he notice me?  How can I get him to ask me out?  Will I ever find the right person? You’re single & you don’t think you’re gonna be happy until you’re not.  

While I know that singleness isn’t something that anyone necessarily desires, I believe it is one of the most important seasons you’ll go through.  It has the potential to be a valuable part of your life & should be viewed as a gift.   

I remember being in high school & having my life all planned out.  Married by 21 and 5 kids by 30. You’ve heard the phrase, “God has a sense of humor.” Well in that case, it was me. I find it really funny to think that as a high school girl, my goals in life were to get married & have kids.  I’m not at all saying those are not wonderful experiences that I can’t wait for, but why didn’t I set my eyes on more than that?  Why did I think my life would be made once that happened?

I’m 35 years old & I’m single.  Or as most would say, still single.  I’ve dated a lot, but I’ve never been engaged or married.  My sisters & my brother are married with children.  I’ve watched friends date, marry & have kids.  I’ve watched girls I coached in high school or mentored in student ministry get married.  I’ve attended & thrown about a hundred wedding & baby showers.  I’ve witnessed & stood in numerous beautiful weddings.  

I’ve been able to share in some of the most special moments in a person’s life.  Listened to the awkward first date stories that turned into proposals & walks down the aisle. Listened to the heartbeats of my nieces & nephews on sonograms that turned into the sounds of life entering this world for the first time.  

I’ve watched family & friends go through all the stages in life that singles long for.  The moments I can’t wait for, hope for & dream of.

And I’ve enjoyed every single bit of them.  

I chose to enjoy them.  I choose to make the most of every moment.  I choose to find the JOY in every little thing I get to be a part of.  

I tell you all that to say this, if anyone knows what it’s like to be single, it’s me.  I know what it feels like to watch your friends & family whiz right past you into dating, marriage & families.  I know the doubts that creep into your mind.  I know the worry that arises. I know what it means to have to wait & wait & wait.  

I don’t compare my life to anyone else’s.  I don’t worry about my future.  I don’t doubt that God has a perfect plan.  And I’m definitely not sitting around waiting for Mr. Right to come along.

The enemy will try to attack our thoughts.  He’ll get us to a point that causes us to doubt God.  He’ll get us thinking there’s something wrong with us & for that very reason, we’re single.  He wants us to spend all of our emotions & thoughts on how sad our lives are without a significant other to share everything with.  Sometimes we even tell ourselves that we’re still single because we haven’t done A,B, or C but if we can check those things off, then maybe, just maybe, God will bring that person into our life.  

False.

Singles have got to stop dwelling on being single & start dwelling on the Word. Singleness does not define you.  The fact that you aren’t dating or don’t have a boyfriend can’t be your focus. You are so much more than than a relationship status.  

I get asked all the time: "How are you still ok with being single? It seems so easy for you!" Maybe this will help you understand & come to the same place...I really hope it does!

Ways to make the most of your singleness:

Seek Him first

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33

There’s a song by Elevation Worship called First & Only and there’s a line in there that has  turned into a prayer of mine.  “Be my heart’s obsession.  First and only in my life.  In Your love alone, my soul be satisfied.”

This is a time in life when we actually have time.  A time when decisions being made now, are decisions that are shaping our destiny. It’s a time to really seek after the Lord. God’s Word will transform us into the person we need to become. While we are waiting, God is working on us.

Trust His Plan

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her.  Luke 1:45

Change Your Focus

Isaiah 55:9 tells us, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways.  And My thoughts than your thoughts.”

His ways are always higher.  His plans are always good.  They’re perfect.  Stop focusing on being single.  God has so much more in store for you.

Get a Vision

When there’s no vision, the people get out of control, but whoever obeys instruction is happy. Proverbs 29:18

There is a lot of freedom in being single.  What is it that you want to do in life?  What goals do you have?  How are you working towards them?

Something important I’ve learned in life is that you have to have vision.  You have to have a clear vision of the kind of life you want. When you don’t have a clear vision, you’ll make mistakes.  

Have fun

Make lots of friends, go traveling, accomplish your goals, start something new. Be a blessing in someone else’s life. Make a difference. Ask the Lord you use you. Pray, “Lord, help me fulfill my purpose today.”

God has great things in store for us & He wants to use us.  We won’t be single forever but let’s live it up while we can!  Make the most of it!

I am confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord. Be strong & let your heart take courage. Psalm 27:13-14